Just fell off a train. Bad.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
