Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
