i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
