God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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