yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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