not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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