I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize