apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
