mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry about my life...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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