she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
