I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
