I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
