if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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