I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
