Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
