She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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