I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
