so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You made out with two different species that night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
