i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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