True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
