The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
