On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize