he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
