You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
