I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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