i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
