Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
