New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
