A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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