Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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