So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize