Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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