we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
