D3 body, D1 cock
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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