I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
