HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
