I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
