She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
