I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
