my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
