apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We left an ass print on the piano.
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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