ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
