I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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