That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you had me at cake vodka
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
