I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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