The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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