i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
