CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
