Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
