with your own penis?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
