So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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