Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
