U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
