that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
