I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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