im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
