I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
a search helicopter?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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