whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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