I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
