Plan B is the new Plan A
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
