somebody snuck up and got me drunk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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