I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
