it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
