i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
