plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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