I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
