i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
